Driving Home

My life is fading fast
to fuzzy silhouettes
and broken glass.
The last thing I remember
was the gap
that closed as I
crashed into the
guardrail,
and my frail and drunken body
broke to pieces.

Now I'm standing
in front of twenty-thousand
flashing TV screens,
flashing memories
that feel like dreams,
reliving all the things
I wanted,
longing for the things
I never got to be -
I only ever wanted to
feel alive

But I dyed
my handkerchief a different color
and I died
in a terrible car accident.

My mother cried and cried, she don't believe I'll be in heaven.
She said my life style doesn't please God.
But oh, God!
Where have you been all of

My life?
My eyes are growing closed
even though I know
that I should
keep 'em open.
If I want to get to
know myself
I need to get to
know the world I live in
and the people in it -
in them I'll learn
all I need to know

before

I dye
my handkerchief a different color and if
I die
in a terrible car accident

I hope my mom won't cry,
I hope she'll smile through the tears because through all the years
I lived I was never alive.
But maybe when I die
I'll find the answers that I searched for all my life,
I'll kill the lights
and close my eyes.